Exhibitionism & me
- 3 months ago
- 3 min read
- 1,823 Aufrufe
I am a secret voyeur. I like to watch and, symmetrically, I love to be watched. I’m something of an exhibitionist (you might have guessed that already!) and I dearly wish there were more exhibitionists.
I like to think that there’s a deep, spiritual joy in allowing yourself to be seen by someone else. Certainly, if I let a stray boob fall out at an inopportune moment and someone sees it then I get a real buzz. And I can be fairly certain that they’re enjoying the experience just as much if not more than I am.
At times, I feel deliciously perverse, and the urge to go just that little bit further becomes too much to ignore. I simply have to act and act now, or face a sleepless night wondering what might have been. I feel like that right now, at this very moment, but I must also exercise caution because not all of my activities turn out for the best.
One night last year, I was working late on a project that was long overdue but close to completion. I figured that if I put in a few more hours then I could kick the project into the long grass and earn a few extra brownie points from my boss. I stuck at it and, by 10:30 pm, I was finished. Job done.
I wanted to celebrate. I don’t drink (much) and I don’t smoke so what else was there? For some months, I’d had a terrific urge to just get undressed and walk the length of my employer’s offices. I couldn’t get the idea out of my head and the image continued to surface time and time again. All those corporate drones afraid to look up, frightened of losing their jobs. The whole idea was intoxicating.
Of course, anything of the kind was completely out of the question because the entire floor is under video surveillance 24/7 for security purposes. But then I remembered my key to the roof top area. There are storage facilities and a couple of transmitters up there but, otherwise, it’s pretty much abandoned.
It was close to 11 pm when I made my way up the fire escape and out on to the roof. The building is one of the tallest in the city so it’s not easily over-looked. There’s a shoulder-high barrier to prevent jumpers (a problem in the past), but you can’t be seen from ground level. With my heart pounding, I took my chance and took all of my clothes off. Straight away, it was a delicious experience, one which I wish more people could enjoy. For a time, was almost certainly the highest naked person in the City of Newcastle upon Tyne.
I found a wonderful place to sit and stare up at the few stars visible from the middle of the city. I began to sense a deep-seated connection to the rest of the Universe, a deep spiritual longing to be out there in the cosmos, exploring the most distant points of this wonderful little corner of Heaven we call Planet Earth. This tremendous feeling lasted right up to the point when a Police Helicopter came into view, turned and began heading right for me.
Truth be told, I lost it. Completely. A total panic. I ran to the stairwell, grabbed my clothes and disappeared indoors, pausing to dress just inside the doorway. Had I just calmly moved out of sight to, say, the other side of an air extractor, I would have almost certainly remained unseen, my body heat masked by the warm air spewing from within the bowels of the building.
I made myself decent and returned to my office. The clock on the wall read 11:45 pm but I hid myself in the server room and waited until my watch said 12:30 before deciding that it was safe to leave. With my heart thumping away in my chest and a thin bead of sweat gathering on the top of my lip, the security guard let me out of the building with a smile and cheery goodnight but otherwise said nothing.
Up above, the sky was empty save for a few lonely stars and a solitary jet heading for the airport. There was no sign of any helicopters or, indeed, Police of any kind. I made for my car and drove home carefully and quietly.
The urge to remain anonymous was over-powering.